Okay, I know. I know you’re probably rolling your eyes at the title of this post. The very FIRST blog post of this site, no less. Even as the little rhyme scheme popped into my head, I rolled my own eyes. I’m not a rhymer. And that’s coming from someone who writes a lot of poetry (that seldom rhymes). But trust me, there’s a reason for this. There’s a reason for the title of the post, for this website, and above all else, for you being here.
When plugging “Alpha female” into Google, The first thing that pops up is a blurb from an Elite Daily article about dating strategies for the otherworldly Alpha Female, described as:
a strong, majestic female. She can often be intimidating to those around her and isn’t afraid to ask for what she wants. She’s killing it in her career and has a solid group of friends to rely on.
Generally speaking, most view the Alpha female as a hardcore, high achieving, and high control seeking woman. Beneath her, is the Beta female, her less power hungry more laid back counterpart. Waiiitttt a second. Aren’t we women a little more dynamic than that? Can’t we be strong, but also laid back? Well, of course.
In Sonya Rhodes, PhD and Susan Schneider’s book The Alpha Woman Meets Her Match: How Today’s Strong Women Can Find Love and Happiness Without Settling, the idea that Beta and Alpha traits are not mutually exclusive or necessarily superior to one or the other is brought to the table:
Alpha? Beta? It isn’t always either/or, and Alpha is not better than Beta. Far more important is the degree of each that you have in your personality. You may be a Beta, with anywhere from a handful to a big helping of Alpha, or an Alpha with strong to middling Beta tendencies, or an extreme Alpha, with practically no Beta at all. You may be pretty much a hybrid, with equal amounts of both. I’m betting that you’ve got some Alpha no matter who you are.
Not to digress too hard but notice how both of the sources I referenced relate to dating/relationship in some capacity? Is it not possible to talk about our strengths without cycling back to the need for another on our arm? Really, every other article related to the Alpha or the “strong” woman connects in some manner to dating and relationship woes. But that’s an issue for another post.
Anyhow, I don’t “bet” that you have some Alpha no matter who you are, I know.
Because for years and years I perceived myself as useless, ugly, was wrought with insecurity, and terrified of social situations. In spite of all this, I desired to climb the ranks, but assumed I’d ultimately settle into a more comfortable “safe” zone because shit…why would little ‘ol me be meant for anymore than that?
Then, at nineteen, I moved 3,000 miles across the country to pursue modeling/acting from the small town of Hagerstown, MD. I won’t get all autobiographical on you, but in short, even within this great leap (you may think um…that’s pretty brazen, seems kinda inherently Alpha to me!) was insurmountable self-doubt. Even as I began to audition, attend castings, and even book jobs with regularity, an omniscient version of myself warned of potential failure. The voice loved to remind me how I was once a chubby picked on loser from a cow town, and those types of girls don’t, and shouldn’t “make it”. The voice said to go be a teacher and forget about my dreams* (*there’s nothing wrong with being a teacher! Back in the day, however, I associated teaching with settling).
I grew into myself. But NOT by myself. I grew through gained experience, networking, mentoring, and largely from other women. And today, though still somewhat insecure (normal, natural, healthy, yada yada)–I’m at a place where I know my strengths. And I know I am Alpha. And if I can be Alpha, so can you.
To be Alpha, first and foremost you must trust yourself.
To do Alpha, go for your dreams–but don’t be afraid to seek guidance from other women, outlets, or resources throughout your journey (we’ll help each other!).
And lastly, be kind to yourself and others. True Alphas are not cold bitches. They’re generous, warm, and strong.
So yeah. Get in on this mantra with me, because honestly, with a little confidence, hard work, and external support–all kinds of opportunities await. For all of us.
Welcome to Alpha2Alpha.